Monthly Archives: March 2015

Gratefully Gutless: An Anniversary Story

Dear Evangeline, I don’t have anything in the house to cook for dinner. “What else is new,” you ask? Well, smarty pants, this is significant because I am finally feeling well enough to make a trek to the grocery store. The only problem is, you’re not feeling well and, as I mentioned in passing to your father this morning, the… Read more →

Mommy Drank Too Much

Dear Evangeline, Mommy took a vacation three weeks ago and, though I have been back on New York terra¬†firma for a solid two weeks, I must have left my motivation back in New Orleans along with my Mardi Gras beads. I have, however, been meaning to write. When I started this blog, I wanted to use it as a means… Read more →

Get Rich Fast: a (should be illegal) legal trade

Dear Evangeline, You clearly have a brain in your head, so I’m sure it’s redundant to tell you that I would slap you in the face if you ever told me you wanted to go into the field of art. I wish my mom had slapped me. It would have saved me several tens of thousands of dollars in student… Read more →

ROUTINE TORTURE

Dear Evangeline, I’m going to get right to the point here. I’m beginning to suspect that these self-proclaimed “baby and child-development experts” or “pediatricians” don’t know their asses from their elbows. At your most recent physical, your doctor suggested that toddlers “love routine” and you would learn to embrace a larger selection of foods if they were “offered regularly.” Every… Read more →

New York’s Best

Dear Evangeline, Last night I couldn’t sleep. You kept insisting on climbing in my bed and then snoring in my ear, so I would put you back in your own bed. This was on ten minute-long programmatic repeat all night- until 3am. It was at that point that I just didn’t give a shit anymore if you would sustain lifelong… Read more →

Tear Down the Aisles!!!

Dear Evangeline, You’re complicating things. Or perhaps you’re un-complicating them, depending on your point of view. You always expect the unexpected as a parent, but one of the first things I was thrown by¬†after your birth was an overwhelming sense of responsibility to not f*ck up. It came from this feeling I would get from looking at you, a palpable… Read more →

A Color Blind World of Art

Dear Evangeline, It has come to my attention that there exists a (albeit remote) possibility that you are color blind. You have been insisting as of late that red is white and that every other color and shade on the spectrum is blue. Occasionally black is “purple” or yellow is “orange,” and you do show an avid affinity for the… Read more →

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