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I Have Been Cured of IBD

I saw the nurse leave the room for a moment, just as I knew something was wrong. “Help!” I wanted to cry out, but my voice had been taken from me. I started to bang on the chair, hopeful that one of the other patients sitting for their chemotherapy treatment would notice. Thankfully, they did. Within moments the drug being… Read more →

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Surgery Number Nine Tomorrow: Am I a Cat?

Cats supposedly have nine lives. There’s also been a lot of talk about magic potions that are numbered nine, and the Ancient Greeks must have had good reason for choosing nine muses. Tomorrow, I will walk into the OR, assume a crucifix-like position, and drift off to sleep to endure surgery number nine. I’m hoping the number will serve me… Read more →

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Does November’s Ballot Mimic the State of Motherhood?

Last night, the Democratic Party officially nominated a woman who does not know how to keep her mouth shut. She embodies so many qualities that I hope my daughter does not come to possess (read: impishness, for one), but Hillary’s outspokenness is hardly one of them. Au contraire, mon amie! Hillary’s voice represents a collective one, and the tenor of… Read more →

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A First Step in My Contribution to #BLM: Teaching My Daughter to See Race

I can remember the first time it happened. It was the beginning of the school year and I was in second grade. A little girl with dark skin took up the desk next to me, but I had never seen her before. It quickly became apparent to me that she did not speak English. I was intrigued. I went home… Read more →

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I Can’t Relate to You: An Infertility Story

  I have a daughter. She’s three and she’s perfect. Her ridiculous sense of humor makes it impossible to not have a smile plastered to your face when she’s around, and her bouncy red curls can keep my gaze immured for hours on end. She was born at 37 weeks, with scores of 9 on both Apgar’s. She was conceived… Read more →

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It’s the Age of “I Don’t Give a F**k”

I’ve come to classify my life as largely phased into two halves, and I think you may be able to relate. Maybe Jesus was able to revamp our entire calendar, but all of us are able to reach a personal point of epiphany in our own lives that is perhaps even more influential than the BC/AC dichotomy- it’s what I’ve… Read more →

the author, 3 months post-op, 10 days pre-op

My Illness Defines Me (and why that makes me happier than you)

My illness defines me. But it wasn’t always that way. What I didn’t realize on April 16, 2002, the day I was diagnosed with a severe form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, was that I was not only forced into a quite unwelcome BFF relationship with my illness, but that I would literally need to relearn every instinct, every emotion and… Read more →

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The Worst Day of Our Wonderful Life

Life: so cruel, so heartbreaking, yet so beautiful. We spend so much of it looking for meaning; searching for answers. But something happened to my family yesterday that had no meaning. It was tragic, ruthless, and stole a piece of my family’s soul. And that piece of our meaning, that part of our life…we’ve lost it forever. We, as a… Read more →

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My Big Wish for Mother’s Day

Dear Evangeline,   On Sunday, we will celebrate motherhood. And the truth is, I’m just a novice. When I look back on your first year of life, I fondly remember your first smile, your first roll, and your first steps. But, mostly, I remember feeling inadequate. Depressed. Exhausted. Lonely and sick. Anxious, even. And I often wonder, still, how I… Read more →

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When MASH Builds Dreams, and Infertility Burns Them

[Date: January 31, 1998     Location: Huntington, NY] My pencil was quickly swirling when Courtney yelled, “STOP!” She snatched the paper from my grip and after just a few moments, she delivered my future. “Two kids and a dusty haired husband. You’ll live in New York and you’re going to be a really tired doctor.” My heart thumped just… Read more →

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